Every day I come home and say I’m going to write. Whether it be this blog, my novel, or anything else, I put myself in a comfortable spot, make a cup of tea, put some inspirational music on, open my documents and…
Stare at the page for about half an hour. Then I think, “I wonder what’s going on on Facebook”.
Then catch myself and think “No! Go and write.”
Five minutes later I think, “You know what will inspire me to write? Looking on Pinterest.” So I scroll through relevant things until I’m looking at not so relevant things and I stop myself and think “Stop it and write!”
Ten minutes later I get a notification. My favourite YouTuber has uploaded a new video! Of course I need to watch it. Then I notice I haven’t watched their last video so I watch that too. Then I realise that there are heaps of videos that they shared in 2011 that I hadn’t watched so I decide it’s only right if I watch them all. An hour later, after clicking on all the related and suggested videos, I’m watching a video about a woman addicted to eating her dead husbands ashes and wondering where it all went wrong. But I mean, at least I’m not eating my dead husbands ashes I guess.
Even this post, I’m writing this post right now because I’m currently stuck in a point on my story and have no idea what to write next.
Writing is hard. It’s especially hard when you’re not getting paid to do it and thus, have no deadlines or quotas or what have you and you have to actually go to work at a proper job to pay the bills. All day when I’m at work I’ll have inspiration and ideas swimming around my head, of course when I’m not at a computer, but the second I have time to actually sit and write… nothing. I’ll be lying in bed trying to fall asleep and new ideas will pop in my head as I’m drifting off, but when I’m wide awake and ready to type… nope.
I tend to obsess over whatever I’m writing. When I have a story going on, I get absolutely hooked on it. I get obsessed with my characters, even to the point where I’ll be going about my daily business and trying to figure out how the characters would go about making a latte, or doing the dishes or having a shower. I get obsessed with trying to figure out how they would think and speak, and what their little idiosyncrasies would be like. So right now I’m completely obsessed with the characters in my current project and they drive me insane some times. If you write fiction, you’ll know what I mean. The characters become real to you and sometimes, the story writes itself.
Other times, the characters decide not to speak to you and you’re left staring at a blank document.
Some times I’ll sit down to my computer and smash out three new chapters. The next day I’ll be lucky if I get a sentence I’m pleased with.
But I keep going back to the document, hoping that something will inspire me to continue the story. I have a story to tell, I know it’s in me, but it’s getting it out of my head and onto the page that is half the battle.
Then I wonder why I’m even writing. Will anyone ever read my story? Or even want to? When people ask what I do I say I work, skate and act. I never say that I write. Basically because I’m so insecure about anything fictitious I write. I don’t mind blogging and sharing my thoughts, but writing fiction is a whole other story.
Writing is hard.
Being vulnerable and sharing your writing is even harder.